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Old vs. New

I have not disappeared, however I am trading some old things for new things in my life. Like the photo above, modern day looking old fashion. The facade or mask that we create or how we can make the new seem so old…

I started to work again (you know those normal paying jobs) don’t worry I still pursue photography, but winter has been hard. It is an old job I use to do, however it is very new now, since I am in a different area. I feel like I have been transported to other world or time. But time is so rare for me…I was working on the musical show CATS as the assistant to the director and make up designer/ director. Happy the show is over, but my time is taken..now with work and another show. I was thinking about the old last night. How my time was free to do photography ( the dogwoods are in bloom- and I feel as I am missing them since work has been calling me every day in one shape or form)- I have work, I have shows, I have family, I have upcoming photoshoots…where is me time. Every weekend I have something. My daughter ( the blonde in the photo) is on spring break starting today. Off to beach and sand- my homage and I sit here trying to think of my lesson plans for the next week. I teach computers and do a photography club to children in grades 1-5th for an after school program. Yes, my life is busy.
I miss the old…but ready for the new no matter how much it kills me……

2010 04 08 Sandra Bilokonsky beauty
life
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letting doors open

What lies, behind this door here in this picture. What history can be told? It is only a church door, or does it have many other uses? Church doors are much like life, they see happiness- they see sorrow. Life in celebrations and life in death. A door is so much more than a door…

I have been thinking about doors alot this week. How we sometimes open them, clear and wide- and others we crack or shut all together. I always think what is beyond the doors we see in real life, just not the ones inside our head. What are the wonders and what are the hidden truths. Last week was pretty rough. I was feeling as if doors where just closing in on me. Mostly do out of fear. I have a huge theater production where am I not only the assistant director, but the make up director. This is the first time where I have felt that I am just not going to have the time. I spoke with the director and reassured me that everything will be fab and if we need to scale back we can. The problem is as much as I am happy that if we have to, we can– my fear inside is that I don’t want to. After many of a thought, when I got home, I thought about the doorway he basically created for me. It was the door that I could open as my escape route. It was okay to open that door and allow myself to be free of a burden that in all reality I really don’t need to burden myself with. In reality, the door that was open was not my escape route, but merely me freeing myself from the burden of worry and stress I caused myself.

Let doors open for you in life, let yourself see beyond the ordinary church doors call life.

2010 01 18 Sandra Bilokonsky alone
beyond the superfacial
events
fear
life
moments
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Daughters

So my daughter, moved in with me last month, right before Christmas. This lead to series of events of life gone crazy. I have moved, now located in Sankt Leon-Rot, which is a few miles away from Schwetzingen. House is still not completely done, as of today I finally got proper internet over the hooking up my cell phone. My daughter is a senior, which in turn I have had to get caught up on all the school senior stuff. Wow, I don’t remember it being like this when I was a teen- then again I had a totally different upbringing.

It has almost been a month and I am not only looking at life differently thru the a photograph, but looking at life differently as a full time parent. Parenting from a distance is so much different. It also makes me realize all the little things that I have missed. I mean I known over the years I have missed things with both of my children, but more so now. I also have learned from my daughter moving in with me, to slow down. Certain things in my life just have way more priority than other things in my life I thought did. I have grown in this past month.

There is a quote my daughter is using for her senior quote, I would like to share this with you today. I love it so much. “Like the wind crying endlessly through the universe, Time carries away the names and the deeds of conquerors and commoners alike. And all that we are, all that remains, is in the memories of those who cared we came this way for a brief moment.” Harlan Ellison

2010 01 14 Sandra Bilokonsky capture
moments
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scream

you would never know until now that the picture i took below is actually part of a vase that sits in the schwetzingen gardens..however everytime i past those vases i just saw the “scream”

this photo pretty much represents right now, my life is screaming. it is screaming ahead for the better, but at the same time it is screaming out of control. it is pretty funny how photos can represent so many facets of your life. from past to present, from snapshot to print.

what i love about this photo, is that is represents how it is okay to scream if you have too..well at least that is how i look at the photo. it reminds me i am human, i can let it all out when the world hands me full of surprises or the biggest stress factors you can handle.

what photo in your life represents this factor? i would love to here about them.
"remember all photos post here on my blog can be found in my gallery on the main website."

2009 12 01 Sandra Bilokonsky alone
capture
fear
joy
life
moments
photography
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saying goodbye

schwetzingen gardens feb 09

i shoot ALOT at schwetzingen castle garden, since well i have lived in schwetzingen for the past 5 years. i am now moving on to another city about 20 minutes away. i feel however, that even thou i still will be shooting there, i am saying goodbye.

maybe it it that is was just so easy for me to go down the road, literally less than 2km away from my front door. a 10-15 minute walk…now it will be a car ride away. i wonder how often will i actually make it to the gardens now. will it only be for paid shoots? will i actually make it down just for fun? will i find new exciting locations where i live now?

saying goodbye in a half hazard way is not so bad. finding new places to look at the world differently is scary and exciting all at the same time.

it makes me wonder about location scouts for movies…what new places and gold mines will i find. totally new location for me.

so for now i am saying goodbye to a beauty that was just easy to access and hello to a new world to see thru a photograph

2009 11 28 Sandra Bilokonsky capture
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sometimes you just have to laugh at yourself

the past few days i have had an out of sorts experience. i had not been feeling to well, since the weekend. my house is in shambles since i am trying to prepare for an upcoming move. i have rehearsals going on. i am on the endless wait it seems for waiting for my daughter’s passport to arrive to her, so i can figure out when to buy her ticket. with christmas around the corner and money going to the new house, thoughts of oh i still need to do shopping. yes, my head has been out of sorts.

however with everything being so round about, i have to find this place inside myself to just laugh. i have been trying to catch up on editing some video from my recent past trip to hawaii and i came across video of my “niece” – “aunty sandra come see i make snowballs”. i laughed and i smiled (however will be honest at the time did not find humor in the throws of sand coming near camera equipment)- see there was no snow to make snowballs, just the sand around her. we happen to be at sunset on the beach, listening to locals play slack key guitar. so as you can see…my laughter that a child wants to make her version of “snowballs” out of the sand. i wonder as she gets older and she see the video that she will laugh at herself. will she see the humor and the cuteness?

have we as adults forgotten how to laugh at ourselves when we make mistakes or fall on our bums? this is what i love about children, they just don’t care- they will laugh at themselves. i learned today, to take time to laugh at myself in regards to my mistakes. i can laugh at myself for going mental over tiny things, when in the end everything just works out in time.

next time you are around your nieces/nephews/children- see how they look at life. try to look at life thru their eyes. laugh with them.
laughing at a fall

and if you want to take a look at the video…

2009 11 25 Sandra Bilokonsky beauty
capture
events
life
moments
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enable project

kandee johnson is a fellow makeup artist in my hometown of LA. i was introduced to the wonderful world of ian ruhter photography thru her many posts about his work. i totally respect other photographers who see the world thru my eyes and he is definitely one of them.

he started this project called enable project. if you are in the LA area or can make it i encourage you to check it out. i wish i was in the area, however being in germany is not practical for me to fly out there at this time. but if i could afford the expense this is one show i would love to go to.

for more information check out enable project

for more info about ian and his photography check out these links
ian ruter photography facebook
event flyer

2009 11 23 Sandra Bilokonsky beauty
beyond the superfacial
capture
enable project
ian ruhter photography
kandee johnson
life
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being alone with your thoughts

have you just ever just taken your camera and been alone with your own thoughts?

i encourage you this week to walk around your neighborhood and just be alone with your camera and shoot other people who are alone in their thoughts.

look at the faces or the events that they are doing. feel the emotion thru the lens of your camera.

i would love to see some of the photos.

hawaii 09 paddle board

hawaii 09 paddle board

2009 11 21 Sandra Bilokonsky alone
events
life
moments
photography
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even stone can be beautiful

church front

church front

okay, so it may not truly be stone..but what does this photo convey to you?

when i took it it conveyed beauty of an era long ago. and even weathered it still retains beauty. however, honestly do you think if you just was walking by this church front that you would actually see the beauty this photo portrays?

do you see the lines, the creases, the wear and tear, the color, the detail…do you see what it represents?

how is this stone beautiful…give me your thoughts.

2009 11 19 Sandra Bilokonsky beauty
capture
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so you are here…what’s next

my life currently is full of surprises. which reminds me of photography, how you can take a simple photograph and bam thru the hustle and bustle you find the beauty in the chaos. i honestly think that is the main reason why i started back into  photography. it was one moment in time that i found beauty.

i found beauty from a single photograph. there was no fancy lights, it was just a morning like any other..okay, yes i was on holiday and we were walking on the beach trying to see if we could see obama at that time our newly elected president. but it was early morning, hair was a mess- sand was between the toes. i had snapped a few photos on the beach with my new camera at the time. but we were walking back to the my best friend’s ( my sister in spirit) and there it was a moment that i captured.  my “sister” was holding her daughter and i just snapped the photo. they were kissy face with plumage tucked behind their ears- my dear sis with no makeup and my dear “niece” with  sand everywhere and curls messed about. it was a beautiful moment, between a mother and daughter.

it was thru the hustle and bustle of that morning. tired from walking on the beach, scooping out the security sporting aloha wear. watching the surf and stepping on man o wars that were beach on the sand. i might add that was an experience itself. but there was that moment that without a photograph it might have been lost over time.  now it is preserved forever.

so here i am now almost a year later…

i started my kani honu photography business.

i now capture moments for others and for myself, as well.

now i am starting new chapters…what’s next.

honi honi

honi honi

2009 11 19 Sandra Bilokonsky beauty
capture
life
moments
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